Wednesday, February 17, 2010

To Grandpa - With Love!

The first thing that comes to Daddy's mind while writing this post is that it's been ages since he wrote on this blog. To be honest, he's been struggling to do anything since a while now.

The picture on the left is what will always stay in Daddy's mind - the two most lovely people in his life together and celebrating. The unfortunate part is that he won't have an opportunity to shoot more such pictures with me and Grandpa. After a long illness, Grandpa departed for his heavenly abode on 18th January, 2010. Though he was ill since last few years, he was always full of life, smiling and a dear friend of mine. Every morning, my day started with going to his room with Daddy and saying 'Gud Morning' and he used to bless me and hug me every single day. Every day ended by meeting him by giving him the prasad from Gurudwara before he slept. When I was away at Naani's house, he used to miss me and often ask Daddy as to when will I return. Whenever I saw him in pain and I asked him 'Daada, aapko oui hui?', he used to ask me to kiss him on the forehead/ arms and he'd say 'Vanu ki paari se oui theek ho gayi'.

Even though he was in pain and suffering, he never let it show on his face. There would be days when his diminisia would take over and he would not recognize anyone else but me. He'd barely sleep when I was not well and pray all day long for me getting cured early. Shortly after he left us, if anyone asked me 'Dada kahan hain?'. I used to reply 'Dada gande... mujhe chor kar chale gaye' and start crying. Daddy then told me that Grandpa has gone to God and God will cure him so that he does not experience any more pain. Since then, my answer has changed to 'Dada Bhaan (Bhagwan) Ji paas gaye, woh unki oui theek karein'.

Grandpa - I miss you. Perhaps when I grow up and I understand what life and death is about, I'll miss you even more.

I'll shed the ghost writing part for this post and that'd probably be the last time on this blog.

Daddy - I could go on and write that your memories will always live with me. But I never wanted your memories. I wanted you to be my side forever, hugging me and proudly saying like you used to often tell me - 'You are my best friend' and 'Mera beta mere saath hai, mujhe koi chinta nahin'. You've left a void in my life which can't be filled by your memories alone. Though it's been nearly a month, but I'm yet to accept that you are no longer present physically with me. Every moment that I look at your photo, I walk through your room, I go to the nearby park or I'm alone thinking about you - I've tears in my eyes.

May be it all sounds non-sense but to be honest, I never imagined losing you. I felt pain when others lost their near and dear ones but now I realize, that no one can share that pain. A couple of years back, the doctors told me that Parkinsonism will slowly take its toll on your health and you have at most 5 years. I knew it all along and I shifted back to Jaipur to be with you. It was my greed for your love and affection that made me take that decision. However, it was not to be for 5 years. God chose to separate us after two years. May be, he wanted to save you from the pain and suffering for another 3 years. I thought that with love and care, I could delay the inevitable - I was wrong.

I know you were suffering, not even able to walk or stand by yourself but you were still there for me and I was there for you. I'll miss our daily conversations. I'll miss discussing sports and politics with you. My day started and ended with you - giving you medicines, bathing you, feeding you and putting you to sleep. Now, I've nothing to do and it feels terrible. While everybody tells me to be strong as I've a family to take care of, I never realized it when you were besides me. For you, I was a kid and I knew, you are there to take care of me. You suffered due to other people's wrong doings & greed and I hope that God does justice to them.

I hope I've been a good son to you. I tried. I apologize if I've ever done something or said something which I shouldn't have. I hope that God gives you a good new life. I promise that I'll forever abide by your principles in life.

To say that I'll miss you would be an understatement. May God bless your soul.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Beautiful Gaurav..

You just made me realize yet again how important it is to be able to spend time with loved ones... But you were lucky to have got his company for whatever time it was possible, and you understood its worth.

I pray for uncleji's soul and hope you all come to terms with the loss soon.. I know it is tough, but do we have any other choice?

Love, hugs and care to all of you..